I was weary from the monotony, full of exhaustion and feeling empty. All of a sudden, I was at the end of my rope and it was hard to pinpoint exactly how I had gotten there. I didn’t know what I was searching for or where I was going. But slowly, I began realizing my answer had been there all along.

That season of exasperation developed within a year of becoming a mother. Too many sleepless nights and working a full time job outside the home had forced me to the end of my rope rather quickly. By the time my son was 4 months old, I found myself unable to cope with anything life presented me. I felt helpless, hopeless and all alone. I felt like the world was caving in on me and I was screaming for help, but no one could hear me.

For the next few months, I was on auto-pilot. I did what had to be done and put one foot in front of the other, but I wasn’t living. I felt so overwhelmed and I just wanted someone to rescue me from my torment. Having been a Christian since childhood, I was unsure of why I felt this way since I thought I knew God. It wasn’t until I finally opened my heart to Him during a Sunday morning church service that I began to find hope in my situation.

Looking back, I can identify the ways that I hadn’t been relying on God throughout that tumultuous season of life. And it dawned on me — I had never learned how to rely on God, despite growing up in church and being surrounded by God’s Truth. Never before had I been made so painfully aware of my true need for Him. What I have since realized is:

  • I didn’t know God, I knew of Him. (Col. 1:10, Titus 1:16)
  • I didn’t fear God, I feared man. (Luke 12:5, 2 Cor. 7:1)
  • I didn’t see my need for God, I was self-sufficient. (Rom. 3:23, 1 Tim. 6:17)

Although I had confessed that Jesus was my Savior, the storms of life proved that I wasn’t living like he was my Savior. Slowly, I prioritized my life by putting God first in both my thoughts and actions. As I made changes, I found that He was lifting me out of my deep, dark pit and it wasn’t long before I could see the light again. I see now that God had been waiting patiently for me to depend on Him while I stubbornly tried to find my own way. I’m thankful God used the circumstances of my life to bring about change in my heart.

Do you find yourself feeling broken, uncertain or alone in this season of life? How deep into the darkness will you go before letting God prove He’s the only one you need? I pray you find He is the source of your strength.

By Danielle Harmon